A Para-WHAT?

PARAPRO (short for PARAPROFESSIONAL)  : a trained aide who assists a professional person (in this case, a TEACHER)

MUSE : (n) a woman who is the source of inspiration for a creative artist.
(v) be absorbed in thought; say to oneself in a thoughtful manner

This blog was created to amuse, inspire and chronicle the year in the life of a computer-nerd/stay-at-home-mom turned Parapro.  All events are REAL, but might be sprinkled with hyperbole.  All names have been removed or altered to protect the not-so-innocent.   While not meant to offend, there will inevitably be someone who is… my advice?  Calm down and grow a funny bone.. or check out one of the other 152 million blogs on the web.  Surely you can find something you like.

Also see: ABOUT and DISCLAIMER

A NEW Kind of Parapro

During my time out of the paying workforce, I continued to volunteer with our local Citizen Police Academy Alumni Association – supporting our city and “backing the blue” in various ways. I suppose it was inevitable that someone would find out that I can read and write and would ask me to come back to the workforce- so when I offered to “fill in” as a volunteer at the Police Department after the departure of an office employee (to which they declined – the information was too sensitive for a volunteer employee to be privy to ), I hesitantly accepted a full-time paid front office position, knowing that my INFJ personality would reject the constant social contact … but that same personality that wants to please people wouldn’t allow me to say ‘no’.

So I began my trek as a new kind of Parapro much with the same amount of ‘experience’ that I had when I entered the education system – which was … not a lot! However, through my volunteer work with the Citizen Police Academy, I may have had just a tad more knowledge about the inner workings of a police department.. but JUST a tad… a teeny, tiny tad.

As predicted by myself, trying to focus on researching Open Records/Release of Information requests and manage the window of a busy-at-times police department was not my cup of tea. I could do it, but I didn’t like it. So when an internal (non-public-facing) office had an employee retire (which is pretty much what it takes to get a promotion in a small town shop like ours… retirement.. death… both…) I leaped at the chance to move to CID (Criminal Investigations Division – how cool is that???). Now I’m a ‘parapro’ who files cases to the DA’s office for the ‘PRO’s” (also known as detectives) — giving them more time to concentrate on cases instead of paperwork.

Much like a teacher’s aide – I find myself freeing up time for the pro’s to get their primary work functions completed. And just like I used to help settle disputes between kids on the playground, I now mitigate questions and concerns about cases on the telephone – directing people to the right resources instead of bogging down our officers with returning calls that don’t require their level of legal discernment.

I get to work with awesome local support services like our county Children’s Advocacy Center, and Crime Victim’s Assistance through our DA’s office. I still support other parts of our PD with clerical and IT (technical) support – always a techie! And my strange sense of humor does not go to waste in this eclectic and downright hilarious group of individuals. We play a little and work a LOT.. just the way I like it.

It Doesn’t Do This In Texas Very Often

So the weather forecast for the past few days has been heralding gloom and doom – snowpocolypse… sub-zero temps – serious bread and milk shortages (why do people buy up all the milk and bread in weather events? I don’t get it.) – total wrath of God event according to the local news reporters. Northerners are snickering and rolling their eyes I’m sure as we buckle down, gear up and dig in for the worst weather week of our lives!! Since we are all ill-prepared for such disasters, or at least I am, it was necessary to order in a large dog crate from Tractor Supply for Pepper, my half Labrador / half Border Collie. There’s no way I can keep her warm enough, even in our outside structures and barns, so my solely outside guard dog will be a house dog until this wintry weather has abated.

Then there are the cats, who already live inside, but do take treks outdoors from time to time – but that won’t be happening for a while…

Having all these animals in the house with no reprieve is already wearing me down! The cats were yowling at the door at 5AM, not understanding why I’m not up yet; the dog was hopping up and down in her crate with her legs crossed, desperately needing to go pee… so I wrapped up, leashed her up, took her out in the sleet (no snow yet.. just ice… darn you Texas weather) and let her do her business. Then she thought it would be great fun to yank me all over the top three acres, promising to poop, but never coming through. I finally told her ENOUGH IS ENOUGH and brought her in. Now she’s back in her cage because she thought “chase the cats through the house” was also big fun – wrong-o. I’m just not good company at that time of morning, especially before coffee.

To add to the pet drama.. Scooter the kitten was spayed last weekend and is still in recovery. We realized within the first 20 seconds of having her home that the “cone of shame” wasn’t going to work out long-term (2 weeks.. are you serious???) – so I ordered her a cat surgery suit that covers her sutures, in CAMO pattern, of course. We’re calling her Rambo now. It’s funny watching her walk around like a 13 year old wearing her first thong bikini – like she has the most super-power-wedgie ever and doesn’t quite know what to do about it – but it’s still much better than the backwards trek she was making through the house trying to back out of the cone and getting stuck behind furniture.

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There was a short break in the weather, so I let Neo Cat go out for a stroll – the only cat I’ve ever met that will walk through a creek with no issues and romp through snow at his feeble attempts to catch a bird (he’s 13.. ). I also took Pepper out for a bathroom break and ended up letting her run around in her large play area for awhile. I honestly think the house has been TOO warm for her with all that thick fur and fat. She managed a good long potty break and by the time she got back inside, happily went back to her dog crate and took a nap. I’m thinking she has the right idea – I may do the same… except on the sofa.. not a crate…

Slow down, dude

Met lots of cool kids at the Car Seat Inspection Program today.. one little boy, age 4, was rapid-firing questions at me:

KID: Why do moths eat clothes in a closet but not on your body.. do you wear that uniform all the time… why does cement dry so fast… how do rocks get on the parking lot…
ME: Um.. no, I don’t wear this all the time, cement “dries” quickly because of a chemical reaction, rocks probably get here by getting stuck to people’s tires..
KID: You didn’t answer my first question.

I should have known what I was up against when I read his shirt: “MOM’S LITTLE GENIUS”

And another year comes to a close…

What an amazing experience last night – standing on the field watching so many of my friends’ kiddos walk across a stage, shake an administrator’s hand and get their ‘fake’ diplomas (don’t worry.. the real ones were safely stashed behind the bleachers, being held hostage to encourage a few more hours of orderly compliance). I couldn’t help but smile as I watched proud scholars parading their medals, multitudes of excited ‘solid-B’ students laughing and giving each other high-fives, and even a few teens crawling across the finish line, a bit singed and still smoking with a look of gratitude that this fiery hell was finally over. I’ve watched these faces go from pudgy round cheeks to frighteningly adult profiles – I am proud that many of those faces will still be around their home town for years to come, and just as proud but a bit sad that many will venture to new uncharted territory for awhile – some even a long while. It does give me new hope and excitement to watch another year of well-prepared young adults go out into this big world to try out their wings. And the most touching moments were the many thanks to God that each student who had a chance at the mic eagerly expressed – and not in a way that sounded contrived or coached. Our graduating class of 2019 is a testament to the return to God we are seeing nationwide, not bullied or stifled by a world that tells them that they are the minority when in truth they walk in huge power, strength and family community with the entire WORLD with their belief in Jesus Christ! My prayer is that each continues to grow in faith, and those who have not yet met Him, finds the savior we all know and excitedly worship and praise. Congratulations Class of 2019 – and congrats to the parents who survived another milestone.. get ready for Act II – the best is yet to come!

Gone But Not Forgotten

KID Hey you worked in the office.
ME: Yes I did.
KID: Did you work with the other principal?
ME: Yes I did.
KID: Which school did she go to?
ME: She didn’t go to another school. She went to work for a business making lots of money.
KID: Did you go there too?
ME: No, I went home and slept for 2 months and contemplated taking up drinking as a hobby.
(I didn’t really say that, but as you can see, “Yes I did” wasn’t going to work in this instance).

Don’t Worry – he’s not endangered

ME: I need you to come back to the group.
KID: I’m a dinosaur. I’ll bite you and eat you.
ME: You know why dinosaurs went extinct?

I don’t consider that a threat.. he’s not really a dinosaur.

Who needs words to communicate?

Standing at the library door, watching a line of kinders leaving with their teacher. The teacher stops to let the crowded hall clear…… one of her students looks up… notices her beautiful earring dangling from her lobe…… sssslllloooowwwwllllyyy reaches up with one finger extended like E.T….. the teacher slloooowwwwlyyyy turns her head toward the student…. with laser eyes and without a word simultaneously communicates..”what do you think you are doing.. and whatever it is, reconsider….” and the child slllloooowwwllllyyyy lowers her arm back to her side. It was EPIC!!!!

Book Fair Volunteer

It’s always fun to come back to my old elementary school stomping grounds for a visit…  I’ve been able to volunteer a few times throughout the year, and the kids still remember me from my days in the office.  And believe me… I remember them too!

KID: Hey did you dye your hair?
ME: No, I stopped dying my hair and this is the color that was underneath.
KID: Why did you make it that color?
ME: I didn’t… YOU did.

Spider Coffee

When you are drinking your morning coffee, feel something not right in your mouth, pull out a SPIDER that took a swim while you weren’t looking…. contemplate the coffee… finish drinking it…. hey… you’ve already gotten spider germs, and what are the odds that there are two of them in there? I think I’ve finally passed into OLD PERSON zone – just don’t care anymore….

Lost and Found for Cats

I couldn’t find my cat last night – I was pretty sure he was in the house, but he’s black, so when he hides in a dark place it’s impossible to see him! This morning I slept in (6:58AM WOO HOO) and when I got up I heard a mournful cry at the front door. I opened it, and he wasn’t there… ?? So I’m looking all around then I hear it again at the front door.. AHA! He had gotten closed up in the hall closet. Dumb cat. Bad Pet Owner.. He was very thirsty and then ran outside very quickly to pee – kind of sounds like ME in the morning.. except I don’t go outside to pee.. thought I should clarify… 😛